Somehow I allowed my husband to talk me into a Great Dane puppy. Meet Zeus! He is nine months old and now weighs 160 lbs. AND…he thinks he is a lapdog. This is a dog whose tail causes not only whiplash but also severe testicle tap as well. Oh, he can also turn on the…
Tag: tales of the city
Hitler Was A Liar! Hitler Was A Liar!
Adolf Hitler was a sadistic, genocidal maniac. No question of it. None whatsoever! So why am I writing about him? Especially in a column devoted to food? Because I am sick and tired of those alt-right sonofabitches trying to say he had anything approaching a redeeming quality. Oh, and he was food hypocrite! One of…
…And Then The Building Blew Up!
I’ll admit it. I am addicted. Yes, it is a guilty pleasure but an addiction is an addiction and must be professed and acted upon. Hello, my name is Mike and I am an addict. It has been 10 days since my last barbecue chicken wing from Rally’s. Deep breath. That’s a weight off my…
DAMN YOU COSTCO!!!!
Never shop at Costco during a blizzard! Sounds like a joke, right?!? Damn you to blazes, Costco! You ruined my New Year’s Resolution again! I swear I tried. But, you blew it away again! I promised the doctor I would lose weight. Twenty pounds to be exact. And, I was doing pretty well until —…
You Must Be Kidding Me!?!
Political correctness can go take a flying leap! Especially when it affects my cooking. There are many important things affecting the world today that you should be upset about: Poverty. War. Famine. Disease. My making a pot of pasta sauce is not one of them. Need I explain? Okay, I will One of my favorite…
The Buffet In Hell, Part The Second
There are many foods that you would expect on the buffet in Hell but only one is sure to jump out from a darkened alley and attack. You can smell it coming from a mile away. The Lunchroom Horror! Leafy Green Terror! The Slime Monster! RUNNNNNNNNN! IT’S GODZILLA VERSUS —- OKRA!!!!!!!!!!! Tokyo is doomed! Seriously,…
The Buffet In Hell, Part the First
Talk about a shitstorm … YEESH! You ask one stupid question online and you get swarmed. All I asked is “What one food would you expect to find on the buffet in hell?” and you would not believe the flack! I expected the answers would be simple. You know, like lima beans or raw oysters,…
What Died In Here?
It’s the strongest spice known to man and most of you have never heard of it. Really – BUT you may have heard of some of its nicknames: Devil’s Breath. Corpse Flour. Bad Feet. Or, my personal favorite: Teenager’s Tennis Shoes. Seriously, it stinks. It’s official name is Asafeotidae. The name is a merger of…
He Said What?!?!?!
It is truly a wonderful thing that society is trying to be sensitive to the needs of others not like themselves but — Um, Take Two… There comes a time when trying to be sensitive to all possibilities becomes downright weird… Nope… Let me try that again… There are times when you just learn to…
Marinated Mammoth?
I am a bad man. I am a bad, bad man. Seriously, I am a bad, bad, bad man. Do you really need evidence? Okay. A couple of weeks ago I was teen-sitting. That is when they are too old to be babysat but too young to drive. My youngest godson, Jaime, and I were…
Butter Flavored Pooch?
There are many sounds you do not wish to hear when sleeping. Sirens. Glass breaking. Water dripping. Then, there is what happened to me last Thursday. Some nights you just want to sleep. Deep, dark and swimming in the nether. Dreams come and go. Fantastical creatures swims by on their way to other adventures. The…
Why Is My CAT Getting SPAM?!?
The most bizarre things appear when you cruise your SPAM filter. I am cooking the State Dinner at Pennsic this year and some of the emails appeared to have gone missing so I cracked open my SPAM folder to see if they had gone astray. In short, yes, they had but that wasn’t what caught…
My Life In Bad Food 