You Must Be Kidding Me!?!

Political correctness can go take a flying leap! Especially when it affects my cooking. There are many important things affecting the world today that you should be upset about: Poverty. War. Famine. Disease. My making a pot of pasta sauce is not one of them. Need I explain? Okay, I will One of my favorite…

An Announcement!!!

It’s Back Again! Okay… It’s Back Again – For the First Time! My Life In Bad Food is sponsoring a contest for the best Holiday Bad Food story! Embalmed Turkey? Tell us about it! Raw Mashed Potatoes? Put it in writing! Cat ate the devilled eggs? Write it down? And the prize??? Three ounces of…

The Buffet In Hell, Part The Second

There are many foods that you would expect on the buffet in Hell but only one is sure to jump out from a darkened alley and attack. You can smell it coming from a mile away. The Lunchroom Horror! Leafy Green Terror! The Slime Monster! RUNNNNNNNNN! IT’S GODZILLA VERSUS —- OKRA!!!!!!!!!!! Tokyo is doomed! Seriously,…

The Buffet In Hell, Part the First

Talk about a shitstorm … YEESH! You ask one stupid question online and you get swarmed. All I asked is “What one food would you expect to find on the buffet in hell?” and you would not believe the flack! I expected the answers would be simple. You know, like lima beans or raw oysters,…

What Died In Here?

It’s the strongest spice known to man and most of you have never heard of it. Really – BUT you may have heard of some of its nicknames: Devil’s Breath. Corpse Flour. Bad Feet. Or, my personal favorite: Teenager’s Tennis Shoes. Seriously, it stinks. It’s official name is Asafeotidae. The name is a merger of…

He Said What?!?!?!

It is truly a wonderful thing that society is trying to be sensitive to the needs of others not like themselves but — Um, Take Two… There comes a time when trying to be sensitive to all possibilities becomes downright weird… Nope… Let me try that again… There are times when you just learn to…

Marinated Mammoth?

I am a bad man. I am a bad, bad man. Seriously, I am a bad, bad, bad man. Do you really need evidence? Okay. A couple of weeks ago I was teen-sitting. That is when they are too old to be babysat but too young to drive. My youngest godson, Jaime, and I were…

Butter Flavored Pooch?

There are many sounds you do not wish to hear when sleeping. Sirens. Glass breaking. Water dripping. Then, there is what happened to me last Thursday. Some nights you just want to sleep. Deep, dark and swimming in the nether. ┬áDreams come and go. Fantastical creatures swims by on their way to other adventures. The…

Why Is My CAT Getting SPAM?!?

The most bizarre things appear when you cruise your SPAM filter. I am cooking the State Dinner at Pennsic this year and some of the emails appeared to have gone missing so I cracked open my SPAM folder to see if they had gone astray. In short, yes, they had but that wasn’t what caught…

Paleo-what?

Why are people on trendy diets so goddamn smug? Seriously! Not that there’s anything wrong with being on a diet, mind you. I have done some of them myself – although my current waistline might disagree. What is it about these yuppified diets that makes people want to brag that not only are they fat…

Well, I Did It!

I tried out for the food Network. I have what can best be described as a blathering mouth. Enjoy!

The Great Cookie Battle

This is a story of WAR. Deep, dark no-holds-barred war. Let me put it another way Sometimes, you just feel pissy. You just have to have a fight. You know what I mean. There are times when no matter what is going on you just have to rip someone a new one. Puppies barking? SNAP!…