You Must Be Kidding Me!?!

Political correctness can go take a flying leap! Especially when it affects my cooking. There are many important things affecting the world today that you should be upset about: Poverty. War. Famine. Disease. My making a pot of pasta sauce is not one of them. Need I explain? Okay, I will One of my favorite…

The Buffet In Hell, Part The Second

There are many foods that you would expect on the buffet in Hell but only one is sure to jump out from a darkened alley and attack. You can smell it coming from a mile away. The Lunchroom Horror! Leafy Green Terror! The Slime Monster! RUNNNNNNNNN! IT’S GODZILLA VERSUS —- OKRA!!!!!!!!!!! Tokyo is doomed! Seriously,…

The Buffet In Hell, Part the First

Talk about a shitstorm … YEESH! You ask one stupid question online and you get swarmed. All I asked is “What one food would you expect to find on the buffet in hell?” and you would not believe the flack! I expected the answers would be simple. You know, like lima beans or raw oysters,…

What Died In Here?

It’s the strongest spice known to man and most of you have never heard of it. Really – BUT you may have heard of some of its nicknames: Devil’s Breath. Corpse Flour. Bad Feet. Or, my personal favorite: Teenager’s Tennis Shoes. Seriously, it stinks. It’s official name is Asafeotidae. The name is a merger of…

He Said What?!?!?!

It is truly a wonderful thing that society is trying to be sensitive to the needs of others not like themselves but — Um, Take Two… There comes a time when trying to be sensitive to all possibilities becomes downright weird… Nope… Let me try that again… There are times when you just learn to…

Marinated Mammoth?

I am a bad man. I am a bad, bad man. Seriously, I am a bad, bad, bad man. Do you really need evidence? Okay. A couple of weeks ago I was teen-sitting. That is when they are too old to be babysat but too young to drive. My youngest godson, Jaime, and I were…

Tell Me Again How To Get Cheese Out Of Chest Hair?

I am going to brag a little bit. I make kick-ass Mac and Cheese. I like nothing better than to sit back with a big bowl of hot, steamy macaroni and cheese and power watching “Red Dwarf”. And, at the end of a hard day, there really is nothing more comforting and relaxing. My coworkers…

Sex and Food Just Don’t Mix

Sex and food can be an amazing combination. I mean, truly. There is nothing quite like sharing a piece of cake with your partner after a few hours of bliss. Ahhhhh. Then, there is my friend, Mark. Mark had everything. Handsome lover. Great job. Incredible condo on the beach. Amazing body. I was so damn…

A Microwave Can Solve Anything, Right?

 Have you ever had a meal that was so incredibly bad that you will never forget it? I have…oooooh yeah.  So bad we-went-out-for-Burger-King-afterword bad. It started off with such promise. I had been doing a lot of cooking for our local group when David and Tina decided they could do better.  They were actually kind of…

Just Push A Little Harder

I love sausage.  I really, really do. And, no, you sicko. I mean sausage as in a stuffed casing – not the other type. Um, I mean, I like that type, too, but— Where was I? Ah, sausage. Seriously, is there anything better on this planet than a warm Italian sausage fresh from the grill?…

Slip, Slidin’, Awayyyyyyyyyyy!

Catfish has never been my favorite food. I don’t know whether it is the texture or the greasy smell that you get when making it most of the time. And, let’s face it – it has to be deep fried or it never even approaches edible. Someone even tried to give me catfish sushi one…

A Little Pretension Goes A Long Way

I have seen quite a few kitchen mishaps in my time. Truly. Everything from cuts to bruises to burning hair to accidentally leaving bits of themselves in the food. But, that is a story for another time. Or maybe not. My Dad makes kick ass chili.  Just the right amount of spices. Kidney beans and…