This is not quite a bad food story but it could have gone very wrong. Well, it actually did. But, then it didn’t. Let me explain: “Hey, Mike. Are you willing to bake bread for an event?” came over the phone. “Sure. how many loaves do you need?” I asked. “Fifty?” she asked. “Fifty? What…
Tag: bad cooking
Four Little Words That Lead to Hell
Everyone has their triggers. You know what I mean. The words that set them off. Their “hot buttons” if you will. They can be simple. “Stop!” They can be dramatic. “This is a stick-up!” They can be a let-down. “Have you met my husband?” They can even lead to a host of other questions. “I…
Twinkies Really Are The Only Food That Will Survive Nuclear War!
There is a tremendous difference between food that is bad tasting and food that has gone bad. I have a perfect example. Let’s just say that Dayton, Ohio dodged a huge bio-weapon. I was asked by a friend of mine to come and help clean out his cousin’s home who had passed away. Sure! I…
I Freaked Out the Lunch Lady?!?
All foodies have one: A Secret Shame. Your deepest darkest secret. The one item you crave despite yourself. You know you do. Just admit it. To my mind, fried liver belongs on the buffet table in hell. Same for lima beans and that jellied cranberry crap you get on Thanksgiving. But I have friends who…
Pride Goeth Before A Fall
First off, I apologize if I haven’t published anything for a while. Planning for SCA 50 Year is taking most of my free time right now. My Saturday nights are no longer my safe haven for writing. And Now: My recent adventure. Hubris can be one’s downfall. I should know – it happened to me….
Walmart Really Is The Sixth Circle of Hell
So how does a tire change become a bad food story? Let me tell you… The Ford pickup had blown a tire and we had put the spare on, but my husband, Jim, didn’t like the idea of driving without a spare tire so it fell to me to get it fixed. With a snowstorm…
There Are Better Ways to Make a First Impression…
This most recent bout of stomach flu has set me to thinking. Some people meet their boss during an interview. Others meet their boss during employee orientation. I once met mine by throwing up on her. Let me explain. I had been doing computer contracting work at a rather large corporation near my home. This was…
The Ballad of Floyd the Pig
Someone asked me to please retell this story – one of my favorites. I will warn you though -this is the CLEAN version! Anyone who wants the PG-13 version email me directly for the link. While this is not exactly a bad food tale, it came close. And, it does result from one of the…
Beware the Blob!
All of us think our Grandmother is the bomb BUT I KNOW mine is. Or was as the case may be. A few of you know this story. My Grandma Hobbs was one of the finest cooks I have ever had the pleasure to know. I swear she could take a bag of breadcrumbs, some…
Tell Me Again How To Get Cheese Out Of Chest Hair?
I am going to brag a little bit. I make kick-ass Mac and Cheese. I like nothing better than to sit back with a big bowl of hot, steamy macaroni and cheese and power watching “Red Dwarf”. And, at the end of a hard day, there really is nothing more comforting and relaxing. My coworkers…
Four And Twenty Blackbirds Baked In A Pie
We have all heard the nursery rhyme: Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye, Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. When the pie was opened the birds began to sing, Oh wasn’t that a dainty dish to set before the king? The king was in his counting house counting out…
Maybe Harold and Kumar Had It Right
I’ll admit it. I used to smoke pot. And not just a little pot but I used to be quite the head. Maui Wowee. Farmer’s Friend. Baja Mama. I smoked them all. In bulk. And then came the munchies. Or better yet – THE MUNCHIES! These were not your run of the mill little hungry…
My Life In Bad Food 