Maybe Harold and Kumar Had It Right

I’ll admit it.

I used to smoke pot.


And not just a little pot but I used to be quite the head. Maui Wowee. Farmer’s Friend. Baja Mama.  I smoked them all. In bulk.

And then came the munchies. Or better yet – THE MUNCHIES!

These were not your run of the mill little hungry munchies. I would have to immediately go to the kitchen and eat whatever came to hand immediately. And, when you are a cook who likes unusual foods, you have a lot of weird stuff in the cabinets to make truly legendary combinations.

Cherries and sardines in aspic?


Deep fried curry powder in maple syrup?


Tuna salad and dill pickles dipped in chocolate and slathered in Dijon mustard?


But there was absolutely nothing better when the munchies descended than sliders from White Castle. Those little square patties covered in chopped onion and slid onto tiny buns.

I happened to live close to the original White Castle. It is on north High Street in Columbus near Ohio State. When the cupboard emptied, I would drag myself there along with what seemed like the entire stoned population of OSU to wait in line. I and 13,000 other stoners waited in line for those little drops of Heaven.

After patiently waiting for 30 minutes, and starting to feel my stomach trying to digest itself, I finally got up to the counter. They could be ordered in groups of four. But how many?

Four? Hah!

Eight? No!

12? Um, No.

16? Now you’re talking?

20? Bingo!

Grabbing my bags and swinging out to the parking lot, I started to binge on sliders. Absolute heaven. They disappeared in the blink of an eye.

Then THE MUNCHIES started up again. Dammit!

Back to the White Castle and another 20 sliders. Finally, I waddled home and to bed.

We will not discuss the next morning, however.

Now, imagine that you have not had a White Castle slider in about ten years and you get hungry. So, I slide up to the drive-through and order a whole sack. Sliding into a parking spot, I grabbed a burger and chomped in.

And promptly spit the whole damn thing out immediately! Oh, my God, was that nasty! Why did it taste so good then and bad now?

Did you have to be stoned to eat them?

Now let’s do it right:


3 lbs. beef, ground

2 large onions




Olive Oil, 2 tbps.

Teriyaki Sauce, 1/2 cup.

First, chop the onions finely. Add the olive oil.

Brown in a small sauce pan and allow to cool.

Mix the meat with the teriyaki sauce in a large bowl.

Add the spices to your flavor then add the onions.

Heat the frying pan and roll into small meat balls approximately 1 1/2″ in diameter. Place them in the pan and place a large pan or weight on them to flatten out the meat. Do not cook for more than three minutes until done but not dry.

Alternately: White Castle places ice under the weight with the meat to steam the meat while cooking to maintain juiciness.

This recipe also works well with ground chicken or mushrooms for a veggie alternative.

Pop onto small dinner buns and serve hot!


COPYRIGHT 2016 Micheal J. Hobbs


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