Coconut Cream Schnauzer?

I may have a bit of a problem.

Hello, My Name is Mike and I am a coconut cream pie addict. It has now been three days since my last piece.



I like nothing better than to slip into something more comfortable and to just dive in.

HMMPH!  Soooooome people!

I meant slide into a restaurant booth and order a piece of coconut cream for dessert. And, believe you me, I have had some disastrous pie.

Allowed to get too warm so that the cream starts to melt? Yup. This is supposed to be a piece of pie – not a frosty from Wendy’s!

Or the time they made the pie with artificial meringue instead of whipping real cream? It tasted like you would expect it to taste. Tasteless, crunchy and hard with an aftertaste reminiscent of Aquanet.

Of course, the worst hangover of my life was the time I ate a terrific piece of pie only to find out that the flavoring was Malibu rum not actual coconut. It was amazing but my head thought otherwise later on.

I guess I got hooked on coconut cream when I was a Bob Evans Farms Restaurant manager. That was when they actually made everything in-house and our best baker was “Granny”. She jealously guarded her stash of heaven and made sure all of her pies were locked away and only came out as needed.

BUT, she couldn’t stay there forever and the managers have keys, if you know what I mean.

Late at night, a whole pie just happened to go missing from the cooler. Every single night.

Who could have been doing it?


That is how my life-long addiction started.

No chintzy lemon meringue for me!

And, I have even found the Holy Grail of coconut cream pies. Ralph’s Great Divide! It may look like a hole in the wall but you have never lived until you have had a piece.

Tall well-whipped and creamy…Ralph’s coconut cream pie is better than some orgasms I have had.

So imagine my delight when I wasn’t feeling well one day and my husband brought home a pie from Ralph’s! Ah, my cares flew out the window.

At work the next day, all I could think about was getting home for another piece of coconut cream pie. Work cares just seemed to fly away.

I ran to the car and started the engine when I got a text.

“Did you leave the fridge open?” came from my husband.

“No.” I texted back not thinking about it.

I walked in the back door and stopped.

It was everywhere. There was cream on the fridge, the floor, the cabinets and the floor were smudged and smeared with white cream.

Even the box it came in was ripped to shreds.

And sitting in the middle of the floor, smug as can be, were the culprits.

Roxie, the husky, was dairy scented. and every single hair stood on end as if she had rolled in the pie. Her hair was stiff and she smelled of coconut.

But, that was nothing compared to Apollo. Our Giant Schnauzer was no longer black with a short black beard.

He was now gray and covered in foam. His beard dripped with coconut cream and he smiled at me.

Looking like Gandalf, my dog actually smiled at me.

I was not amused.



Coconut Cream Pie


1 cup sweetened shredded cocoanut

2 eggs

1 quart whipping cream

Pinch of salt

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 cup flour

I cup sugar

  1. Start by placing the whipping bowl for the mixer and the wire whip in the freezer at least ½ hour before needed.
  2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
  3. Spread the cocoanut out on a sheet pan and toast until golden brown.
  4. Beat the eggs and add the dry ingredients and one cup of cream and ½ of the cocoanut.
  5. Add the vanilla and heat over a low fire.
  6. Pour into a premade pie crust and chill in fridge.
  7. In the chilled bowl whip ½ of the remaining cocoanut and the cream.
  8. Topped the chilling pie with the whipped mixture and sprinkle with the remaining cocoanut.
  9. Chill for three hours and serve.
  10. Make sure the Schnauzer isn’t around.



COPYRIGHT 2016 Micheal J. Hobbs


3 Comments Add yours

  1. Is that the recipe for the Pie you had at 50 Year? Because OMG!!!!! I don’t even like coconut cream pie (it’s the coconut part, not the cream or the pie part) and that was AMAZING PIE!!!!


  2. Hahaha! Sounds like my giant. The worst was the thawing chicken that I didn’t put far enough out of reach. I cleaned my floors for an hour straight and completely got rid of the area rug he used as a plate.


    1. Mike Hobbs says:

      Apollo has a history of canine culinary adventures!


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