This most recent bout of stomach flu has set me to thinking. Some people meet their boss during an interview. Others meet their boss during employee orientation. I once met mine by throwing up on her. Let me explain. I had been doing computer contracting work at a rather large corporation near my home. This was…
Tag: food
The Ballad of Floyd the Pig
Someone asked me to please retell this story – one of my favorites. I will warn you though -this is the CLEAN version! Anyone who wants the PG-13 version email me directly for the link. While this is not exactly a bad food tale, it came close. And, it does result from one of the…
Beware the Blob!
All of us think our Grandmother is the bomb BUT I KNOW mine is. Or was as the case may be. A few of you know this story. My Grandma Hobbs was one of the finest cooks I have ever had the pleasure to know. I swear she could take a bag of breadcrumbs, some…
Tell Me Again How To Get Cheese Out Of Chest Hair?
I am going to brag a little bit. I make kick-ass Mac and Cheese. I like nothing better than to sit back with a big bowl of hot, steamy macaroni and cheese and power watching “Red Dwarf”. And, at the end of a hard day, there really is nothing more comforting and relaxing. My coworkers…
Four And Twenty Blackbirds Baked In A Pie
We have all heard the nursery rhyme: Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye, Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. When the pie was opened the birds began to sing, Oh wasn’t that a dainty dish to set before the king? The king was in his counting house counting out…
Maybe Harold and Kumar Had It Right
I’ll admit it. I used to smoke pot. And not just a little pot but I used to be quite the head. Maui Wowee. Farmer’s Friend. Baja Mama. I smoked them all. In bulk. And then came the munchies. Or better yet – THE MUNCHIES! These were not your run of the mill little hungry…
After I Put Myself Out —
I have a group of friends who don’t consider you a real cook until you spectacularly injure yourself in the kitchen. Nicked yourself with a knife? Amateur! Blister? Wuss! Popped with hot grease? AWWWWW! Poor baby! But you still don’t qualify. Stick a knife through your hand? That’s more like it. Parboiled your foot? Oh,…
You Killed Bullwinkle!
Everyone has one. The recipe that stalks you like a serial killer. It’s the one you just can’t recreate no matter how much you try… It was already dark when my friends and I arrived at the campground in Pennsylvania. Spring had barely taken hold and the six of us started a fire to stay…
Oh, My! How Did You Get That Color?
Cooking takes instinct. And when instinct f ails, skill should kick in. When skills fails…oh, well. I had gone to an event and got roped into staying for dinner. Normally, I avoid eating food cooked by people I don’t know but there was absolutely no way I could wriggle out of it so there I…
Fishheads! Fishheads! Roly Poly Fishheads!
So! I decided to enter a cooking competition! And not just any cooking competition but the highest falutin one I knew – The Kingdom Arts and Sciences competition! So there! Phhbbpphhblllt! And I was gonna do it right. I was going to make garum! From Scratch! What is garum you ask? Are you some sort…
Sex and Food Just Don’t Mix
Sex and food can be an amazing combination. I mean, truly. There is nothing quite like sharing a piece of cake with your partner after a few hours of bliss. Ahhhhh. Then, there is my friend, Mark. Mark had everything. Handsome lover. Great job. Incredible condo on the beach. Amazing body. I was so damn…
A Microwave Can Solve Anything, Right?
Have you ever had a meal that was so incredibly bad that you will never forget it? I have…oooooh yeah. So bad we-went-out-for-Burger-King-afterword bad. It started off with such promise. I had been doing a lot of cooking for our local group when David and Tina decided they could do better. They were actually kind…
My Life In Bad Food 