Everyone has one. The recipe that stalks you like a serial killer. It’s the one you just can’t recreate no matter how much you try… It was already dark when my friends and I arrived at the campground in Pennsylvania. Spring had barely taken hold and the six of us started a fire to stay…
Oh, My! How Did You Get That Color?
Cooking takes instinct. And when instinct f ails, skill should kick in. When skills fails…oh, well. I had gone to an event and got roped into staying for dinner. Normally, I avoid eating food cooked by people I don’t know but there was absolutely no way I could wriggle out of it so there I…
Fishheads! Fishheads! Roly Poly Fishheads!
So! I decided to enter a cooking competition! And not just any cooking competition but the highest falutin one I knew – The Kingdom Arts and Sciences competition! So there! Phhbbpphhblllt! And I was gonna do it right. I was going to make garum! From Scratch! What is garum you ask? Are you some sort…
Sex and Food Just Don’t Mix
Sex and food can be an amazing combination. I mean, truly. There is nothing quite like sharing a piece of cake with your partner after a few hours of bliss. Ahhhhh. Then, there is my friend, Mark. Mark had everything. Handsome lover. Great job. Incredible condo on the beach. Amazing body. I was so damn…
A Microwave Can Solve Anything, Right?
Have you ever had a meal that was so incredibly bad that you will never forget it? I have…oooooh yeah. So bad we-went-out-for-Burger-King-afterword bad. It started off with such promise. I had been doing a lot of cooking for our local group when David and Tina decided they could do better. They were actually kind…
Just Push A Little Harder
I love sausage. I really, really do. And, no, you sicko. I mean sausage as in a stuffed casing – not the other type. Um, I mean, I like that type, too, but— Where was I? Ah, sausage. Seriously, is there anything better on this planet than a warm Italian sausage fresh from the grill?…
Slip, Slidin’, Awayyyyyyyyyyy!
Catfish has never been my favorite food. I don’t know whether it is the texture or the greasy smell that you get when making it most of the time. And, let’s face it – it has to be deep fried or it never even approaches edible. Someone even tried to give me catfish sushi one…
A Little Pretension Goes A Long Way
I have seen q uite a few kitchen mishaps in my time. Truly. Everything from cuts to bruises to burning hair to accidentally leaving bits of themselves in the food. But, that is a story for another time. Or maybe not. My Dad makes kick ass chili. Just the right amount of spices. Kidney beans…
My Life In Bad Food, Chapter One: My Mother Could Burn Water
My mother was a goddawful cook.
There! I said it!
Normally, I don’t believe in speaking ill of the dead but it is just the truth. We all learned how to cook early in self-defense.
My Life In Bad Food 