There’s a reason healthy eating gets a bad rap from foodies…

Because it deserves it.

I am aware that makes me sound like an ass, but it is just the truth.

Need proof?

Okay. The other night I swung by Aldi’s to do some quick shopping.

Don’t know Aldi’s??!

Come on…!

Aldi’s is like the Shangri La for foodies.

Good quality.

Excellent prices.

And they have those hidden gems that you have just GOT to buy.

Aldi’s is like Valium at the end of a long day.

You walk in and OMMMMMMMMMM!

I loves me some Aldi!

And, let’s face it, I have put on a few pounds since Covid-19.

Isolating is not something I take lightly.

I need people.

AND, I need food.

BUT I have started chubbing out a little as I approach one of THOSE birthdays so decided it would not hurt me to eat a little better and to spend more time on the treadmill.

The treadmill is easy but eating healthy is just agonizing.

Every “healthy” snack seems to include that nasty number two item from The Buffet In Hell: cranberries!

And what doesn’t have cranberries seems to have that other ghastly mantra: quinoa!

So, when I saw the packet, I was like “yeah!”

“KETO Mac n Cheese”

That had definite possibilities.

As you know by now, I really love my mac n cheese and have a recipe that people come out of the woodwork to ask for.

Then, I saw the next line and my heart sank.

“Cauliflower for a healthy dinner.”

It’s not that I don’t like cauliflower because I do but I have just never had it taste anything other than absolutely terrible when it came in a prepackaged meal.

In other words, they had replaced the noodles with cauliflower.

I have done this several times before with both Brussell sprouts and asparagus and have been pleasantly surprised by the results. Quickly boiled and then flash fried, they can be quite good.

But – cauliflower?

But, hey, why not?

I have to get back in my 36-inch jeans somehow – right?

I bought two of the boxes and brought them home with trepidation.

It started off well and the ingredients were pretty clear:

“Drain the liquid out of the cauliflower and set aside. Shake the compacted vegetables to remove all of the liquid.”

I snipped a corner of the bag and started to drain it. That was the first warning sign.

Cauliflower is white, right?

So how come the liquid draining out of the packet was dark gray and not just dark gray but damn smelly gray.

“Come on, boy! Healthy!” I said to myself.

“Mix the cheese sauce with the cauliflower and microwave for four minutes” seemed simple enough.

BUT –

Well, the cheese “sauce” was actually separated out into its various liquids. That was the next warning sign.

A layer of red, yellow and oily green pretended to be cheese sauce.

Only one thing to do.

PING! And HUMMMMMMMMMMM went the microwave and it did its work.

That is when the third and final warning sign was when the oily cheesy cauliflower mixture started to heat up and then —

WHOOM! Went the bowl at three minutes and thirty seconds as the lid popped off and the interior of the microwave was splashed with oily cheesy goop!

Grabbing the bowl, I set it aside to rest while I got out a paint scraper and cleaned up the microwave. Just how I wanted to welcome dinner.

I swear I followed the ingredients to the letter!

I SWEAR!

It actually LOOKED edible once I mixed the cauliflower with the sauce.

I portioned it out and handed a bowl to my husband. He looked at it warily then took a bite.

“This is … interesting.” he said.

“Interesting?”

“Yeah, that is the best word for it.” he said and took a huge swig of Sprite.

“Here Goes!” I thought as I took a huge bite.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

You know that wasn’t as bad as I thought it was.

Truly.

It was so…

So…

Much, much worse!

I still choked it down. After all, I am a fat man, but…

Healthy, my ass!

NOW LET’S DO IT RIGHT!

Cauliflower Mac N Cheese

Ingredients

Cauliflower, 3 lbs.

Black Pepper

Sea Salt

Cheddar Cheese, 1 lbs.

Parmesan Cheese, ½ lb.

Mozzarella Cheese, 1 lb.

Olive Oil, ½ cup

Heavy Cream, 1 cup

Cayenne Pepper

And the secret ingredient is: Balsamic Vinegar

1, Cut the cauliflower up into pieces about half the size of your thumb.

2. In a sauce pan, lightly steam the cauliflower to soften it but do not over steam it as you do not want it to be too soft.

3. In another sauce pan, combine the cheeses and the cream over a low heat until melted. Add fresh ground spices to taste.

4. In a frying pan, heat the olive oil.

5. Add a small amount of balsamic vinegar and then lightly sauté the cauliflower.

6. Preheat the oven to 350.

7. Mix the cauliflower with the cheese sauce in a casserole dish and cover.

8. Bake for 30 minutes at 350.

9. Serves 6.

10. ENJOY!