Pande-fricking-monium!

There I said it!

That is what it has been like trying to shop this week after the panic caused by governmental incompetence.

All I wanted was some fricking rice and it was sold out everywhere.

Kroger?

Nope.

Needler’s?

Nope.

Aldi’s?

Nope, again. Three strikes – you’re out!

Guess where I finally found it?
Menard’s! Yup, Menard’s Building Supplies. I was out looking for LED bulbs and just happened to remember that they had a food aisle.

I wasn’t even trying to hoard anything. I normally have enough food in my freezer to feed the Mormon Tabernacle Choir at the drop of a hat. Seriously.

I just wanted to make some paella and ran out of rice.

But, that achieved, some of the other items I saw being panic bought were just plain strange.
I mean, I can almost understand the toilet paper mentality. Sorta. But some of the other stuff I saw filling shoppers carts was way out in left field.

Soup….okay. That I kinda get.

BUT – every pack of Ramen noodles in the city is gone.

Oh, and cream of mushroom soup as well along with all of the canned green beans.(?)

What is this – Thanksgiving?

The meat aisles were completely sold out except for, of course, the turkeys and that weird shit that claims to be meat…you know, um, what’s it called again..Oh, that’s right…bologna.

All the bread was gone except for the buns made from quinoa. Ugh! I would gladly face down the apocalypse before eating quinoa again.

All the pasta was gone along with the Chef Boyardee!

In reality, all I had stopped in the grocery for that day was some bottled tea. Snapple, anyone?

Luckily, it did not seem to be high on anyone’s list but mine so I grabbed a box and headed to the register.

There were people in the line with carts full of some of the oddest items to think of hoarding during a pandemic.

One gentleman had a cart full of chocolate bunnies.

“Once the pandemic ends, kids will want to celebrate Easter.”, he said.

I did convince him to give me one white chocolate bunny to buy as they are my favorite after all.

Then, there was the guy with his cart full of WD-40 and shoe polish.

“When the coronavirus zombies attack, we want to be able to disguise ourselves.”, he intimated.

Ummmmmm, right.

I changed lanes.

THAT is when I saw it. A cart filled with an enormous pile of yogurt containers.

Yes, yogurt!

He had it all. Yoplait. Dannon. Dairy King. Even that generic crap you can buy.

I had to ask.

“Why?” I inquired.

“Because bathing in yogurt is the only way to cure the coronavirus.”, he leered conspiratorially.

“And you know this how?”

“Don’t you ever watch Fox News?”

“I try not to.” I answered.

“Then you didn’t hear Jim Bakker taking about how bathing in yogurt and silver pellets will cure the coronavirus?”, he asked incredulously.

“I am afraid not.”

“Good luck!” he roared and was out the grocery door.

The store manager later told me that he had been in the store five times already and had literally bought enough yogurt to last the store for a year.

Hmmmm.

Yogurt, anyone?

NOW LET’S DO IT RIGHT!!!
Home Made Yogurt
Ingredients
1 quart whole milk
1 teaspoon active yogurt
1 cup raspberry jelly
Secret Ingredient: fresh mint leaves
This is one of the easiest and simplest recipes you will ever see.

1. Put the milk in a medium pan and place over a low heat.
2. Raise the temperature to 180 degrees and leave that way for 10 minutes or until a film forms on the top.
3. Allow it to cool to roughly 120 degrees.
4. Mix in the starter yogurt culture.
5. Place the mixture in the oven on the warm setting for 5-6 hours.
6. Put think cloth in the bottom of a colander and strain the yogurt. For thicker yogurt, strain longer.
7. Mix in the jelly.
8. Refrigerate for 4-5 hours.
9. Just before serving mix in a few fresh mint leaves.
10. Serves 4.
11. ENJOY!!!