The dinner had ended and everyone had scattered to go their separate ways.

Later that same night.

It kept raining the whole day and night. Everyone at the event had either hidden somewhere to drink or were trying to keep warm in their tents.

Guess what I did?

RIGHT!

I was drunk off my ass sitting in a shelter house talking to a friend trying to stay warm and basically babbling. We were so drunk that we were holding each other on the bench to keep from falling off.

The night was dripping along when DJ appeared. DJ was a tall, cadaverous looking, blond man dressed all in black. He had missed dinner and was hungry.

The head.

We heard DJ fiddling with the platter but were honestly too drunk to pay too much attention.

Until-

“My, what a handsome pig you are.”

Wha?

We carefully turned around so as not to draw attention to ourselves. DJ had picked up the pig head and was doing his best Hamlet and Yorick imitation. We quickly turned back around before he noticed.

“My, what a sexy pig you are!”

Turning back around, we noticed him staring eye to eye with the pig head. Titillated but slightly terrified, we quickly swiveled back away before he saw.

“My, what a sensuous pig you are!”

That did it. No longer caring and too drunk not to watch, we swiveled around and planted our feet to keep from falling off.

DJ had picked up the pig head and was playing with it.

He had forced his hand up the neck of the pig into where its brain had used to be before I had boiled it away. His thumb went below the tongue of the beast and he began to do ventriloquism with it.

Popping the jaw, he began to talk to the pig head.

“Hi! Would you like to meet my friend, Floyd?”

Who could resist?

Now that Floyd was his best friend, DJ began to make the rounds of the camp to introduce everyone.

Imagine a tall gentleman in a cloak steps out of the dark.

“Hi! Would you like to meet my friend, Floyd?” and he would appear from under the cloak.

We traced him all around the camp by the screams.

Finally, deciding that Floyd was now his best friend, and having introduced him to everyone in the woods, DJ decided that the pig head deserved a night on the town.

Hopping on his motorcycle, he started up and got ready to go.

There was, however, a problem. He only had one helmet so guess who got it?

Right!

FLOYD!

And he was off into the night!

We later found out he had grabbed someone else’s helmet and it didn’t even belong to him.

DJ and Floyd hit the hottest night spots in Huntington, West Virginia that night, and DJ paid the cover charge for the pig head!

All I can envision is a pig head rising above the dancers going “Staying Alive! Staying Alive!”.

After a night of dancing and partying ans as Floyd was now his best friend, DJ was determined to keep him around as long as he could. If your best friend was a pig head and you wanted to keep him as long as possible, what would you do with him?

You’d put him in the fridge! Right next to the eggs, the butter, the orange juice… and that is what he did and headed to bed.

About six am, DJ’s girlfriend came home from work and decided she wanted some orange juice.

He said all he heard was a scream…and then she began to beat him to death with the pig head.