I’ll admit it.

I am addicted.

Yes, it is a guilty pleasure but an addiction is an addiction and must be professed and acted upon.

Hello, my name is Mike and I am an addict.

It has been 10 days since my last barbecue chicken wing from Rally’s.

Deep breath.

That’s a weight off my back.

A hickory smoked monkey as it were.

I am driven to this confession by the events of two Fridays past.

I am cursed. CURSED, I tell you!!!

Where should I begin?

Okay, the hub was tired and just wanted to lay on the coach at the end of a hard week and I couldn’t blame him. I deal with Estates and after a hard week of dealing with that my energy reserves were scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Hmmmmmmm… what to do – what to do?

I could always MAKE dinner. After all, I have enough food in my pantry and freezer to feed the Mormon Tabernacle Choir at a moment’s notice but that would require some motivation. After all, that Tupperware won’t crack itself.

I opened the fridge and perused the holdings.

Nope…

Un-un…

Not that…

You know an addiction always strikes at the least expected moment.

I turned to close the fridge and that is when my eye caught sight of the bottle of barbecue sauce sitting there.

That did it!

I NEED RALLY’S BARBECUE CHICKEN WINGS!!!

Grabbing the keys, I called to my husband and ran for the door.

“Make sure to stop at the pharmacy!” followed me out the door.

The closest Rally’s is on East Washington and is only about a mile out. Hitting the gas I made it in record time!

I pulled in and realized that there was only one car ahead of mine. At this place, that was a miracle.

Or so I thought…

After five minutes of them ordering, I noticed that they had a pad of paper and were ordering and ordering and ordering.

And ordering ….

… while my stomach started to rumble.

Twenty minutes later, I pulled up to the screen and started to order.

“Fifteen piece hickory barbecued wings, please.”

“You know that will be a 7-10 minute wait?”

“Yup.”

“Pull around.”

That is when I saw the other five cars in line ahead of me.

And, I also realized I had to pee.

Thirty minutes later, my stomach had started to growl like a rabid dog and I REALLY had to pee. Knowing the line hadn’t moved in ten minutes and there were some trees nearby, I slipped out of the car and took care of business, so to speak.

THAT is when the line moved. The guy behind me actually had the nerve to honk even though I had seen him pop behind the same bush ten minutes earlier. Ass.

So I get up to the window and hear: “Number One Combo and a Mountain Dew, right?”

“No, a fifteen piece barbecue wing combo with a Diet Coke.”

The cashier looked nonplussed and turned to shout.

“Hey Johnny! Where did those wings go?”

“Did you give them to the last guy?” he shouted back.

“Well, I need some now.”

“Ten Minutes!”

She turned to me.

“Eighteen forty-three, please, and, that will be another ten minutes.”

The look on my face must have said it all.

“Okay, how about if we give you half off for the wait?”

Starved, I grumbled and paid.

“Pull into the first spot.”

Sulking and sipping on my Diet Coke, I pulled over to wait. Hunger started to get the best of me and I began to doze.

Taptaptaptaptaptaptap!

Startled, I turned to the driver’s side window thinking my wings were ready but no one was there.

Taptaptap!

That is when I noticed the face staring in at me from the passenger side window.

Saying she had been “ridden hard and put away wet” would not even begin to describe the poor bedraggled thing looking it at me. “Meth addict” should say it all.

I cracked the window.

“Can I help you?”

“Hey, Honey. Willing to help a gal earn a few bucks?”, she said with what she assumed was a sexy grin but that would have required teeth.

Afraid of the answer, I responded anyway.

“How?”

“I was thinking a blow job or we could go somewhere and park for some serious fun.”

Un-hunh…

“Thank you for the offer but I think my husband might object.”

“Oh…” and she was gone!

Twenty minutes later…

Taptaptaptaptap!

“Here’s your order.”

Grabbing the bag, I pulled out and started to head for home.

Catching sight of the CVS sign, I sighed and headed to the pharmacy. Pulling into the drive-thru, the attendant went to grab my order while I started to open the bag.

Snap! Pop! Crack!

In my rear-view mirror, I saw what looked like fireworks popping up across the street from the pharmacy.

“Wow! Why would someone be setting off fireworks in February?” asked the attendant as she handed me the bag.

The fireworks got louder as I rounded the building. I saw a glow coming from a house just down the street.

THAT IS WHEN THE BUILDING EXPLODED!!!

Whoa!

The ground shook!

The side of that house went up like a Christmas tree. Sirens started as cars and pedestrians scrambled to get out of the way. I was trapped in the CVS lot so I pulled into a spot to watch.

Ever seen aluminum siding melt?

I have.

That place was going nuclear!

Well, I was stuck there as more and more fire trucks arrived so I might as well eat.

Cracking open the bag, disaster struck!

The bag didn’t contain wings.

It contained…

A SALAD!

Horrors!

And, now, I had to pee.

NOW LET’S DO IT RIGHT!

Barbecue Chicken Wings

Ingredients:

5 lbs. Chicken wings

1/2 cup olive oil

Cumin

1/4 cup white wine

1/4 cup water

1/2 cup ketchup

Chili powder

1 Garlic clove

1/2 white onion

Secret Ingredient:

Soy Sauce

1. I like my wings moist so I prefer to use the oven. Preheat to 350 F.
2. Finely chop the garlic and onion.
3. Toss the wings in the olive oil and place in the oven for 15 minutes.
4. Mix the wine, water and ketchup with the spices, garlic and onion.
5. Add a dash of soy sauce.
6. Once the skin has tightened on the wings, remove them from the oven and allow to cool.
7. Toss the wings in the sauce mixture and place back in the oven.
8. Use the excess to brush on the wings as needed.
9. Turn often and keep from burning until done.
10. Should make 50 wings.
11. ENJOY!

Copyright M. Hobbs 2018