Never shop at Costco during a blizzard!
Sounds like a joke, right?!?
Damn you to blazes, Costco!
You ruined my New Year’s Resolution again!
I swear I tried.
But, you blew it away again!
I promised the doctor I would lose weight. Twenty pounds to be exact. And, I was doing pretty well until —
I took a mental health day from work. I had met the doctor earlier but decided that my brain needed a break.
Good thing, too, as the wind whipped up and the temperature dropped. I could only see about twenty feet beyond the hood when I spied the Costco sign.
Mentally slapping myself, I remembered I needed to grab dog food. Sliding into the lot, I noticed that there only a handful of cars in the lot.
When I walked in, the greeter said “And you make 10.”
“Ten?”
“People today. In eight hours.”
It was so empty and so quiet…almost like one of those scifi movies where all the people suddenly disappear and leave their mixers running and cars amok, etc.
It would have been downright eerie if it wasn’t so well lit.
That is when the enticing aromas struck!
Virtually floating to the food aisles, the alluring smell of overflowing sample trays reached out and caressed me.
The ladies serving the samples all seemed to suddenly surround me.
“Cheese?” said the first.
“Cookies?” asked another.
“Pork loin?” offered a third.
“No!” I mentally cried. “I have to lose weight!”
“Almond milk?” piped the fourth.
“Fettucine?” entered another.
I WAS SURROUNDED!!!
Taking flight, I made my way to the furniture section to hide. Breathing deeply, I climbed into a recliner and started it massaging.
I flopped down in the chair and closed my eyes to meditate away the cravings.
Must Lose Weight!!! OMMMMMM! Must Lose Weight!!! OMMMMMM!
Birdies! Butterflies! Bunnies!
There was a light touch on my arm.
Standing beside me was one of the sample ladies.
“Tikka masala?” she asked.
I love tikka masala! It is my favorite food.
“If you don’t want any, I have to throw it out.” she shrugged.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
Damn you, Costco!
“Sure, I’ll take it.”
She dropped off the plate.
The floodgates opened!
Cookies!
Eggrolls!
Pizza!
Fresh Mozzarella!
Even…..
Lobster bisque!
By the time it came to leave, I was waddling.
Into the storm I went.
Oh, I gained five pounds – and I forgot the dog food.
AGAIN!
Now Lets Do It Right
Lobster Bisque
Ingredients:
8 oz. lobster tail
2 small green onions
2 oz. crushed garlic
1/4 cup white wine
Thyme
1/2 cup cooking sherry
Paprika
1 cup hot water
4 ounces tomato paste
Bay leaf
2 cups whipping cream
4 tbsps butter
2 oz. cocktail sauce
1 cup red wine
- Melt the butter in a small pan.
- Chop the onion.
- Saute the onion and garlic with the bay leaf.
- Add the white wine
- Add thyme to taste along with the cocktail sauce.
- Add paprika to taste and sherry.
- Stir in the tomato paste along with the hot water.
- Fold in the whipping cream and bring to a high heat,
- Chop the lobster meat and add to the sauce.
- Cook for 30 minutes and serve warm.
- Serves 6.
- Enjoy!
Copyright M. Hobbs 2018
My Life In Bad Food 
I completely understand this!!! I too, love tiki masala!
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Did you read Janet Evanovich? In one of the Stephanie Plum (world’s most hilariously incompetent bounty hunter) books, Stephanie and a friend were broke so they ate lunch at CostCo by eating their way through the samples. LOL
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I am visualizing this as a short comedy/horror film… up to the point of you being surrounded, where they begin to become more zombie like as they move in closer with their servings.. until you sink within the mass of them, your hand the last thing to sink below the crushing force of the sample people. Fade to black. Fade back in and you see all the sample people at their stations again, moving from one to another, until it comes to the last one, you, offering Lobster Bisque to a new unsuspecting victim.
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You are a bad bad man.
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