Talk about a shitstorm … YEESH!

You ask one stupid question online and you get swarmed.

All I asked is “What one food would you expect to find on the buffet in hell?” and you would not believe the flack!

I expected the answers would be simple. You know, like lima beans or raw oysters, or maybe okra.

Or, the one food sure to cause eternal damnation…

The root of all evil in the known universe…

The Bane of All Human Existence…

Fried liver.

But, say just one bad thing about it and you would have thought I kidnapped the Lindbergh baby.

All I said was “Fried liver is the nightly special on the Buffet in Hell.” and the Internet lit up!

“You clearly have never had GOOD liver. ” said one.

If GOOD liver means tasting like ten miles of bad road, then, yes, I have.

“No one has ever prepared it RIGHT!”

I know some of the finest cooks known and if they couldn’t make it taste like anything less than a ruptured boil, then neither can you!

And, so it went….

Every time I tried to change the subject, yup, you knew it, Satan’s Little Helper popped back in with liver!

Finally, I had enough!

“Well, if you’re so smart, then you come up with a liver dish I can eat.”

Fried liver?

Nope.

Marinated liver?

That wine had been through hell, and, no, thanks.

Battered liver?

Crunchy liver? Who the hell wants crunchy satanic nuggets?

Liverwurst?

That one I actually decided to taste.

When I stopped choking, I made a note never to try it again.

Finally, she said, “I know a recipe even you can’t refuse.”

And, she was right!

I watched in amazement as she prepared it and then…?

I have seen the light!

HEAVEN!

Sigh.

CUE THE ANGELIC CHORUS!

Hallelujah!

Oh, and See Below!

 

THE ONLY LIVER RECIPE YOU WILL EVER NEED!

Ingredients

2 lbs, beef liver

1 quart bottled water

10 lb pork roast

White wine

Garlic

Sage

Oregano

Secret Ingredient:

A Big Dog

1. Marinate the pork roast in wine overnight.
2. Place the liver in a baggie.
3. Place the liver in the freezer.
4. Remove pork from wine and pat dry.
5. Make an appointment at the local Catholic church.
6. Rub the pork with the spices and leave in fridge.
7. Take the bottled water to the local Catholic Church and have the priest bless it.
8. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
9. Place the pork roast in the oven and bake for approximately one hour until tender yet done.
10. Open the freezer and laugh at the liver.
11. Slice and serve the pork.
12. Feed the liver to the dog.
13. Bless both the dog and your kitchen with the holy water to treat for the very presence of liver.
14. ENJOY!

 

Copyright M. Hobbs 2018