There is nothing quite like a truly great milkshake.
Come on…Admit it.
Sitting in an easy chair sipping on a straw and relaxing with my feet up is how I used to spend many a relaxing evening. I have fallen asleep in the chair only to wake up when the glass tipped over and dripped chilly goodness on me.
And then, one night, I was slipping into a milkshake induced haze and reading the news on my computer, when the phone rang.
“Hello, is this Mike Hobbs?” asked an unusually chipper and unfamiliar voice.
Expecting a telemarketer, I took a big gulp of my shake and gurgled.
“Great! This is Whitney from the “Jerry Springer Show”.
And then I started to choke on strawberry goodness.
To be more exact, I spit it out and only succeeded in coating my monitor in pink.
“Come again?” I managed to choke out.
Clearly used to the reaction, she giggled and said, “My name is Whitney and I am a production assistant for the Jerry Springer Show.”
Grabbing a towel, I started to wipe the computer monitor down.
“This may be a loaded question but why, exactly, are you calling me?”
“We would like you to appear.” she pipped.
“As I am neither an unwed mother or a wife beater, I am hardly your typical guest.” I began.
“Actually, you are.”
“What does that mean?” she had piqued my curiosity.
“We would like to pay for you to fly to Chicago and appear on our show.”
“You would make the perfect guest.” Whitney chimed.
“Hardly. I am a college educated man with a good job and a 401K. I am far from your stereotypical guest.”
“Maybe not as far as you think.”
“What are you not telling me? Why are you calling me in particular?” I asked.
“Well…we wanted to sponsor a family reunion?”
“Oh, yes. One of your family members contacted us and asked for a family reunion.” she explained.
“That’s part of the surprise.”
Surprise, eh? Well, Mom had been dead for a couple of years so unless she had risen from the grave, it wasn’t her.
This was definitely not my Dad’s modus operandi. Or, either of my sisters for that matter. Or m
“So my brother called you, eh?” I hazarded.
“I can’t say who did it.” she answered.
“How much did you offer him?”
“Our standard appearance fee.”
“Five thousand dollars.”
There you had it. I took a deep breath before responding.
“Ma’am, I am going to thank you for your kind offer but say no.”
“But -” she began.
“But, nothing. Goodbye.”
“But it’s a family reunion!”
“Ma’am, my brother and I are more likely to shoot each other than appear on stage together.”
“That’s PERFECT!” Whitney shouted.
And, I hung up.
(This was only the first time they called over the years.)
NOW LET’S DO IT RIGHT!
The Perfect Strawberry Milkshake
Whipping Cream, 1 pint
Strawberries, 1 lb.
Sugar, 1/2 cup
Vanilla Ice Cream, 2 pints
Honey, 1/2 cup
Start by destemming and roughly chopping the strawberries.
Next, add the strawberries and whipping cream to a blender. Blend until the strawberries are finely chopped and the cream is frothed.
Next, add the ice cream and vanilla and strawberry extracts to taste. Blend thoroughly.
Finally, add the sugar and honey and blend.
Makes two large shakes.
Copyright Mike Hobbs 2017