Sex and food can be an amazing combination.

I mean, truly. There is nothing quite like sharing a piece of cake with your partner after a few hours of bliss.

Ahhhhh.

Then, there is my friend, Mark.

Mark had everything. Handsome lover. Great job. Incredible condo on the beach. Amazing body.

I was so damn jealous. I adored him BUT I was so damn jealous.

AND, he was a porn star.

I mean he had it all. So, then he goes and gets an all expense paid trip to Hawaii.

REALLY? I mean, come on!

My jealousy cup runneth over.

It didn’t help that Mark couldn’t help tweaking my jealous cheek a bit.

“That’s right. An all expense paid five day trip to Hawaii. We get to stay at a nature preserve. And all I have to do is spend a couple of days making a video in the jungle.”

“A video?”

“Yeah. For Hot Stud Productions. And, I get to film with Luke Davenport!”

A free trip to Hawaii at a resort with the biggest gay porn star in the world?

I was so jealous I stank.

That is until Mark returned from Hawaii.

I knew something was up when he absolutely refused to talk about the trip. Seriously, not a peep.

“Oh, come on!”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to discuss it!” he hissed.

“It must have been great.” I said.

“Actually, it was pretty shitty!” Mark answered.

“How could a free trip to Hawaii be so bad?”

“Trust me. It was!” and he hung up.

Eventually, I wangled the story of out him.

The trip to Hawaii started out well.  The whole cast and crew met in L.A. and flew straight through to Honolulu.  A puddle jumper took them to Hilo on the big island of Hawaii. So far everything was perfect.

The resort was not quite what Mark expected. Instead of a hotel, it was series of large permanent tents built on platforms. The shower was actually a nearby waterfall.

“But it was beautiful.” said Mark.

” So what went wrong?”

“Wellllll…”

It turned out the resort was run by a pair of old hippies who decided to welcome all of the guests with a traditional Hawaiian meal of poi, chicken, tuna poke and pork.

“The food was amazing if the spicing seemed a little odd. Especially the tuna.”

“Odd?” I asked.

“We found out how odd the next day.”

The following morning, the cast met for breakfast while the crew set up the camera angles and tested out all of the lighting. The remains of the feast from the previous night were served on a buffet along with other items.

“I should have realized they were weren’t properly refrigerated.”

But none of them did.

The cast reached the set and started filming but before long a guest made their presence known.

Food poisoning.

Mark said his stomach was starting to rumble when his costar suddenly dashed off the set. The sounds of puking drifted in from the brush.

Then another dashed off. And another.

Finally, Mark couldn’t take it anymore and joined the morning chorus of puking pansies in the woods.

Flummoxed, the video director tried to bring some sort of order to the chaos. He sent the crew off to film backdrops and nature scenes. At the same time, he hauled the cast to the local emergicare.

The verdict was pretty conclusive. Poorly refrigerate food plus heat equals puking porn stars. And bed rest.

But they tried. As each cast member started to feel better, they tried filming only to have one or the other star suddenly dashing off into the woods for an unscheduled appointment with nature. Mouthwash supplies quickly ran low and the production shut down.

After three days, the company had managed to film a lot of forest, some amazing surf pictures and about ten minutes of couples kissing. And, the cast was still sick.

Finally, the decision was made to pull the plug. After five days of vomiting, the cast flew home. The studio would add footage taken at home.

“That’s pretty rotten.” I said.

“Yep.”

“That’s actually pretty shitty.” I hazarded.

“True.” Mark answered.

“You might even say piss poor-”

“Enough!”

“Okay…”

NOW LET’S DO IT RIGHT!

TUNA POKE

Soy Sauce

Small Green Onion

Large Tuna Steak

Sesame Oil

Sesame Seeds

1/2 cup macadamia nuts

Salt

Pepper

Start by rough grinding the macadamia nuts. Next, cube the tuna into small cubes. Roughly chop the onion. Add salt and pepper to your taste.

Mix all in a large bowl and refrigerate overnight. Add sesame oil and sesame seeds to flavor and serve.

You can add soy sauce to flavor or serve on the side and dip the pieces into it with chopsticks.

Serve cold and it should serve four.

 

Copyright M. Hobbs 2018