Enough already! Yes, I know there is more to the story of Floyd the Pig but I was trying to be CLEAN! OKAY?!? Yes, I know some of you have heard more of the story but I was trying to be good. Ooooooookay! Here it is. “The Revenge of Floyd the Pig” The dinner had…
Tag: ira glass
I Will Have the Jeffrey Dahmer Special with a side of deep-fried Sweeney!
Being a cook means you get to spend a lot of time in other people’s kitchens. A lot of QUALITY time. However… Some people have odd taste in decorating. Take the signs people keep in their kitchens for instance. There are the ones you expect to see: “Wash Hands Before Preparing Food” And, the tacky…
Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road?
This story could also be subtitled: “Why is that chicken on fire?” You may or may not know it but my brother could never be described as the sharpest tack in the shed. I mean, you expect a teenager to have the occasional accident… Or, get caught experimenting with marijuana… Maybe even piss off the…
Honey, You Better Hide That From The Cops!
When cooking, you expect a lot of questions. “What is this?” Simple but to the point. “Is this Kosher?” Oops. “Was there dairy in this?” It is butter cream frosting after all. Even “What was that Best By date again?” Do you really want to know this? You do not expect, however, to be accused…
Is This Supposed to Crunch?
Okay, I admit it. Every cook has one. A dark culinary secret that they hide away to keep people from laughing at them. Some cooks buy frosting. Some served canned soup. Others, well… me,…oh… well, I sometimes use a box mix when making something that is not normally on my agenda. Usually, dinner turns out…
Guess Who Got A Standing Ovation At Walmart?
Soooooo… My husband, Jim, was trying to make lemon balls for a Christmas party we were invited to and he ran out of mix so guess who got sent out for a box of mix? Yup. Me. Or to ask it another way, guess who got sent out at 8 p.m. on Christmas Eve looking…
The Holiday Epidemic We Are All Ignoring – To Our Peril!
You better watch out or it will get you!
Hey, F**ckwad! Want Dressing With That E Coli Outbreak?
By now, most of you have heard that the Food and Drug Administration and the CDC have asked all restaurants and groceries to throw out all romaine lettuce products due to the nationwide e. coli outbreak, right? In short, the government says if you do not know where that leafy green pile came from, throw…
Red Rover, Red Rover…
As some of you are aware, my husband talked me into a Great Dane puppy recently. Meet Zeus. Ten months old and 170 lbs. Also known as He Who Must Destroy All in His Wake. Seriously. Give ya an example: Have you ever seen how a kitchen looks after a Great Dane puppy has eaten…
…And Then The Building Blew Up!
I’ll admit it. I am addicted. Yes, it is a guilty pleasure but an addiction is an addiction and must be professed and acted upon. Hello, my name is Mike and I am an addict. It has been 10 days since my last barbecue chicken wing from Rally’s. Deep breath. That’s a weight off my…
DAMN YOU COSTCO!!!!
Never shop at Costco during a blizzard! Sounds like a joke, right?!? Damn you to blazes, Costco! You ruined my New Year’s Resolution again! I swear I tried. But, you blew it away again! I promised the doctor I would lose weight. Twenty pounds to be exact. And, I was doing pretty well until —…
You Must Be Kidding Me!?!
Political correctness can go take a flying leap! Especially when it affects my cooking. There are many important things affecting the world today that you should be upset about: Poverty. War. Famine. Disease. My making a pot of pasta sauce is not one of them. Need I explain? Okay, I will One of my favorite…
My Life In Bad Food 