Some memories never fade. They just crystallize and sparkle in our memories. I love music. And I grew up on a farm. Put those together and what do you get? Yup. My favorite memories of all time consist of me and my Dad driving around in that old Ford pickup of his at 80 miles…
Tag: armistead maupin
Satan’s Favorite Drive Through
For those of you who have been wondering where I have been of late, let’s just say life has been interesting. So, my Dad was in the hospital. And, those of you who know my Dad know that he likes Arby’s. Well, maybe like is not the right word. Try “loves”. Better yet – “LOVES”….
The Revenge of Floyd the Pig!
Enough already! Yes, I know there is more to the story of Floyd the Pig but I was trying to be CLEAN! OKAY?!? Yes, I know some of you have heard more of the story but I was trying to be good. Ooooooookay! Here it is. “The Revenge of Floyd the Pig” The dinner had…
I Will Have the Jeffrey Dahmer Special with a side of deep-fried Sweeney!
Being a cook means you get to spend a lot of time in other people’s kitchens. A lot of QUALITY time. However… Some people have odd taste in decorating. Take the signs people keep in their kitchens for instance. There are the ones you expect to see: “Wash Hands Before Preparing Food” And, the tacky…
What The Hell Is In This?
All cooks do it whether they admit it or not. You hate to throw out food. I know I do. Any time my husband opens the refrigerator and starts complaining about how full it is, I simply hold my breath, refuse to answer and hope he moves along as quickly as possible to the next…
Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road?
This story could also be subtitled: “Why is that chicken on fire?” You may or may not know it but my brother could never be described as the sharpest tack in the shed. I mean, you expect a teenager to have the occasional accident… Or, get caught experimenting with marijuana… Maybe even piss off the…
Honey, You Better Hide That From The Cops!
When cooking, you expect a lot of questions. “What is this?” Simple but to the point. “Is this Kosher?” Oops. “Was there dairy in this?” It is butter cream frosting after all. Even “What was that Best By date again?” Do you really want to know this? You do not expect, however, to be accused…
Is This Supposed to Crunch?
Okay, I admit it. Every cook has one. A dark culinary secret that they hide away to keep people from laughing at them. Some cooks buy frosting. Some served canned soup. Others, well… me,…oh… well, I sometimes use a box mix when making something that is not normally on my agenda. Usually, dinner turns out…
Guess Who Got A Standing Ovation At Walmart?
Soooooo… My husband, Jim, was trying to make lemon balls for a Christmas party we were invited to and he ran out of mix so guess who got sent out for a box of mix? Yup. Me. Or to ask it another way, guess who got sent out at 8 p.m. on Christmas Eve looking…
The Holiday Epidemic We Are All Ignoring – To Our Peril!
You better watch out or it will get you!
Hey, F**ckwad! Want Dressing With That E Coli Outbreak?
By now, most of you have heard that the Food and Drug Administration and the CDC have asked all restaurants and groceries to throw out all romaine lettuce products due to the nationwide e. coli outbreak, right? In short, the government says if you do not know where that leafy green pile came from, throw…
The Buffet In Hell: Halloween Edition
Tonight is Halloween and it is time for another edition of The Buffet In Hell! What additional food item will be enjoyed this night by Adolf Hitler and his fellow losers in Hell? Is it Spam? Nasty but no. Maybe tripe? Gross but it can be made edible. Pho, anyone? Corn smut? While its native…
My Life In Bad Food 