Secret Herbs and Spices, Eh?

I have a deep dark secret. One that is sure to make you ashamed of me. I try to hide it but like all deep and dirty secrets it finds its way out. I am an addict. And cannot control it. I am addicted to Original Recipe Kentucky Fried Chicken. There is just something about…

BREAKING NEWS: Wikileaks Stole My –

Can You Believe it? Seriously, Can You Believe It? How dare those Russian hackers do this? Is nothing sacred? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gotcha! The complete title of this is “BREAKING NEWS: My Life In Bad Food: Wikileaks Stole My Risotto Recipe!” In the midst of one of the dirtiest elections in our nation’s history, Wikileaks released emails…

Mikey Had A Little Lamb

As some of you may know, I have a difficult relationship with lamb. I won’t make a secret of it. To me, lamb is greasy and normally has an aftertaste reminiscent of antifreeze. It’s not just that I have had a lot of bad lamb – and I have. Really, really bad lamb. It doesn’t…

Killer Coke?

Did I ever tell you about the time a Diet Coke tried to kill me? Seriously! I kid you not. Actually, soda has tried to kill me a couple of times…True ‘dat! The first time was a couple of years ago. I was driving through the southern part of Indianapolis in my old Kia Spectra….

Coconut Cream Schnauzer?

I may have a bit of a problem. Hello, My Name is Mike and I am a coconut cream pie addict. It has now been three days since my last piece. Seriously. I like nothing better than to slip into something more comfortable and to just dive in. HMMPH! ¬†Soooooome people! I meant slide into…

Mike and the Magical Shoes

I blame my friend, Daniel del Cavallo, for this story: Getting old is a bitch. First, there was gout. Then, there was tendonitis. Now, there’s collapsed arches. No, I do not mean an abandoned McDonald’s. So, how does this become a bad food story? Let me explain. I was not able to volunteer for the…

Ever Played Russian Roulette?

I don’t know about you but I really, really hate it when someone messes in my kitchen. And I get really paranoid when it takes FOREVER to get things back to the way they were. Paranoid to the point of ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! Let me explain: My husband has just finished the most amazing makeover of our…

You Made HOW Much?

This is not quite a bad food story but it could have gone very wrong. Well, it actually did. But, then it didn’t. Let me explain: “Hey, Mike. Are you willing to bake bread for an event?” came over the phone. “Sure. how many loaves do you need?” I asked. “Fifty?” she asked. “Fifty? What…

Four Little Words That Lead to Hell

Everyone has their triggers. You know what I mean. The words that set them off. Their “hot buttons” if you will. They can be simple. “Stop!” They can be dramatic. “This is a stick-up!” They can be a let-down. “Have you met my husband?” They can even lead to a host of other questions. “I…

Twinkies Really Are The Only Food That Will Survive Nuclear War!

There is a tremendous difference between food that is bad tasting and food that has gone bad. I have a perfect example. Let’s just say that Dayton, Ohio dodged a huge bio-weapon. I was asked by a friend of mine to come and help clean out his cousin’s home who had passed away. Sure! I…

I Freaked Out the Lunch Lady?!?

All foodies have one: A Secret Shame. Your deepest darkest secret. The one item you crave despite yourself. You know you do. Just admit it. To my mind, fried liver belongs on the buffet table in hell. Same for lima beans and that jellied cranberry crap you get on Thanksgiving. But I have friends who…

Pride Goeth Before A Fall

First off, I apologize if I haven’t published anything for a while. Planning for SCA 50 Year is taking most of my free time right now. My Saturday nights are no longer my safe haven for writing. And Now: My recent adventure. Hubris can be one’s downfall. I should know – it happened to me….