All cooks do it whether they admit it or not. You hate to throw out food. I know I do. Any time my husband opens the refrigerator and starts complaining about how full it is, I simply hold my breath, refuse to answer and hope he moves along as quickly as possible to the next…
Category: humor
Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road?
This story could also be subtitled: “Why is that chicken on fire?” You may or may not know it but my brother could never be described as the sharpest tack in the shed. I mean, you expect a teenager to have the occasional accident… Or, get caught experimenting with marijuana… Maybe even piss off the…
Honey, You Better Hide That From The Cops!
When cooking, you expect a lot of questions. “What is this?” Simple but to the point. “Is this Kosher?” Oops. “Was there dairy in this?” It is butter cream frosting after all. Even “What was that Best By date again?” Do you really want to know this? You do not expect, however, to be accused…
Is This Supposed to Crunch?
Okay, I admit it. Every cook has one. A dark culinary secret that they hide away to keep people from laughing at them. Some cooks buy frosting. Some served canned soup. Others, well… me,…oh… well, I sometimes use a box mix when making something that is not normally on my agenda. Usually, dinner turns out…
Guess Who Got A Standing Ovation At Walmart?
Soooooo… My husband, Jim, was trying to make lemon balls for a Christmas party we were invited to and he ran out of mix so guess who got sent out for a box of mix? Yup. Me. Or to ask it another way, guess who got sent out at 8 p.m. on Christmas Eve looking…
The Holiday Epidemic We Are All Ignoring – To Our Peril!
You better watch out or it will get you!
Hey, F**ckwad! Want Dressing With That E Coli Outbreak?
By now, most of you have heard that the Food and Drug Administration and the CDC have asked all restaurants and groceries to throw out all romaine lettuce products due to the nationwide e. coli outbreak, right? In short, the government says if you do not know where that leafy green pile came from, throw…
The Buffet In Hell: Halloween Edition
Tonight is Halloween and it is time for another edition of The Buffet In Hell! What additional food item will be enjoyed this night by Adolf Hitler and his fellow losers in Hell? Is it Spam? Nasty but no. Maybe tripe? Gross but it can be made edible. Pho, anyone? Corn smut? While its native…
Red Rover, Red Rover…
As some of you are aware, my husband talked me into a Great Dane puppy recently. Meet Zeus. Ten months old and 170 lbs. Also known as He Who Must Destroy All in His Wake. Seriously. Give ya an example: Have you ever seen how a kitchen looks after a Great Dane puppy has eaten…
All Things Must Pass…
Somehow I allowed my husband to talk me into a Great Dane puppy. Meet Zeus! He is nine months old and now weighs 160 lbs. AND…he thinks he is a lapdog. This is a dog whose tail causes not only whiplash but also severe testicle tap as well. Oh, he can also turn on the…
Widd or Widdout?
People in Philadelphia have VERY strong opinions about their cheesesteaks. I have actually seen people decide not to date someone because of their cheesesteak choices. Seriously. Geno’s has its defenders. But then so does Jim’s Cheesesteaks. And, of course, there is always Ishkabibble’s But any one of them is a trap. A trap! I tell…
Hitler Was A Liar! Hitler Was A Liar!
Adolf Hitler was a sadistic, genocidal maniac. No question of it. None whatsoever! So why am I writing about him? Especially in a column devoted to food? Because I am sick and tired of those alt-right sonofabitches trying to say he had anything approaching a redeeming quality. Oh, and he was food hypocrite! One of…
My Life In Bad Food 