(Sometime in the mid ‘70’s)

My mother always had very strong ideas on euthanasia. At the drop of a hat, she would describe her views at length in the most inappropriate situations.

“They should have turned off that respirator a month ago.” I heard her say at a funeral.

“Who wants tubes keeping them alive?” she would say in the checkout line at the grocery to the clerk.

She would even criticize the doctors on TV medical programs.

“They should just dope ’em up and send them to heaven. Why waste the hospital beds?” she would say.

These views would have been extreme coming from anyone but coming from a supposedly Catholic nurse who spent almost all of her career in the intensive care unit, it was a little disturbing to say the least.

I think my mother was just trying to make more friends for her other little habit….speaking to the dead.

My mother always claimed our house was haunted and said she felt vibrations all the time when they tried to contact her. She would get out the TV tray and place her fingers lightly on it and then ask questions. Supposedly the spirits would make the table rock to answer questions. It was her own white trash version of a Ouija board.

Many the times I would see her and her friends sitting around that little TV tray and rocking it to answer the most intimate questions imaginable. One rock for Yes. Two for no.

“Is RoseAnne pregnant?” Two rocks. My cousin was only seventeen at the time but she was quite the party girl.

Night on night she would sit there rocking her table and asking questions.

“Does my brother have cancer?” One rock. (Uncle Goog did die but not of cancer later that year – although we were told it was cancer instead of murder.)

My mother also read Tarot cards. I lost track of the number of times some scared looking friend of hers would look apprehensive as she flipped a card only to have my mother suck on a tooth and tsk.

“This is not good, Bonnie. It says here that your husband is sleeping around again. Do you know someone whose name begins with a K?”

“Karen?”

“That’s the one!” she would say as another card flipped. It’s amazing how many people the spirits had dirt on.

And, those spirits were ANGRY! They wanted revenge and my mother was their chosen instrument.

I honestly believed it to be made up until the night my mother invited a famous medium to our house for a séance. I was told to just sit in the kitchen and read while the adults in the living room “spoke with those from beyond” according to the medium. I huddled with my book and left them to their silliness.

Being the science nerd, I thought it was all bullshit. After all, Mr. Spock never talked about it on “Star Trek” and Carl Sagan never uttered a peep about the spirit world.

After about an hour, I heard a great deal of thumping from the next room and peeked through the door. Imagine my amazement when I saw the heavy table floating a good foot in the air with all of the adults struggling to keep their fingers on the table to control it.

“This is a strong one!” whispered the medium. “Don’t break the circle.”

Slowly, the table began to wobble and then lowered to the floor. As it touched the floor, the medium lay back in her chair seemingly unconscious. Strange noises began to come from her throat and then.

“Barb?” I stared because it sounded just like my Uncle Goog, Mom’s dead brother.

“Goog?” My mother asked.

“Barbara. It’s okay…..everything is okay.”

My mother started to cry.

Having reached my quotient of weird for the day, I sat back down in the kitchen and tried to concentrate on my book. I was so freaked that even Robert Heinlein appeared normal!

After another half hour or so, all of the adults came into the kitchen and we went into the back yard for drinks. My mother was muttering about forgiveness and the medium was saying how strong his soul was, etc. I just wanted to stay as far away from these strange people as possible and so sat on the back steps to try keep my distance.

We were all relaxing when a loud thumping from the kitchen caught our attention. The noise got closer and we looked through the door to find the large table from the living room trying to follow us out the back door. The lights in the whole house flashed on and then off as they got brighter and brighter!

The medium screamed and the lights went out!

My mother fainted and my nerves popped. I ran for the barn and I locked myself in. 

My stepfather came to get me because my mother was weirding out and he needed normal, too. I just wanted to sit in my own house away from those weird people and get some sense of equilibrium back.

“It was Goog! I swear it!” my mother kept saying as my stepfather took her to bed.

I just sat in the kitchen eating chocolate chip cookies and tried to read to clear my mind.

The sound of running water made me turn my head toward the sink. The taps were running full. As I watched, they turned themselves off slowly.

Then, the lights flickered and the back door opened as a man-sized shadow appeared at the door and then it closed very slowly.

I never told anyone about it because who would believe me?

(BTW, Ungle Goog was murdered outside a gay bar because he was gay like me. Since that time, I have always felt him watching over me.)

Now Let’s Do The Cookies Right:

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup butter
• 3/4 cup brown suga
• 1/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 large egg
• 1 1/2 cups flour
• 1/2 cup cocoa powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup chocolate chips

Let’s Get to Baking!

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2. Melt the butter.
3. Mix the sugars into the butter with a whisk.
4. Add vanilla.
5. Whisk in the egg.
6. Add the dry goods and mix carefully.
7. Add chips.
8. Grease pan (or use paper).
9. Use a spoon to measure out the cookies.
10. Bake until done.
11. ENJOY!