Being a cook means you get to spend a lot of time in other people’s kitchens. A lot of QUALITY time.

However…

Some people have odd taste in decorating. Take the signs people keep in their kitchens for instance.

There are the ones you expect to see:

“Wash Hands Before Preparing Food”

And, the tacky ones cropping up everywhere:

“Live, Laugh, Love!” (I changed it to “Eat, Drink, Love!”)

And the kinda odd ones:

“Warning, Kitchen! Drama Queen Dead Ahead!”

Then we get the weird ones:

“Who Wants Liver?” (Ugh!)

or

“I Could Really Go For Some Fried Zucchini About Now” (Barf!)

And then there is the sign I saw the other day.

“No Matter Where I Serve My Guests, They Taste Better In The Kitchen.”

What?

At first, I though I misread the sign but nope, that is what is said.

Then, I checked out the back of the sign to see who made it.

The company was called Offbeat Designs. The sign was listed as part of it’s Dahmer Collection.

The “Dahmer Collection”, hunh?

What is even odder is that I seem to be being a little stalked by Jeffrey Dahmer of late.

For those of you who don’t know, Jeffrey Dahmer was a serial killer who worked at a chocolate factory in Milwaukee. He was also notorious for partaking of the flesh of his victims in various and sundry ways. Oh, and he haunted some of the same gay bars I patronized during college.

Even weirder was he briefly attended Ohio State University in my hometown. Didn’t know that one, did you?

Yup.

So what does that have to do with that odd sign?

Well, it just capped off a whole series of incidents that all seemed to tangentially involve cannibalism.

First, I saw someone wearing a t-shirt that read “Anyone have some fava beans? I have a nice chianti!”

Charming.

Then, I heard a story on NPR of one of the patrons of the bars that both I and Jeffrey Dahmer used to patronize talking about what a sweet and shy guy he seemed to be. Oh, and he always smelled like chocolate.

Well.

Finally, the Sirius XM player in my car seemed to have a developed a glitch and kept playing the soundtrack to “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” over and over and over again.

“Attend, the tale of Sweeney Todd..,”

So seeing a sign that said “No Matter Where I serve My Guests, They Taste Better In The Kitchen” just seemed to be pointing me in a macabre direction for dinner.

You would be amazed the recipes you can find online…

A story called “How To Cook Your Roommate”

Another entitled “Eating Human Flesh: A Beginner’s Guide”

Or “Real Life Cannibals Review French Restaurants”

Needless to say, I had chicken for dinner.
NOW LET’S DO IT RIGHT:

Chicken Feta Sausage

Ingredients

3 garlic cloves

4 large chicken breasts

1/2 lb. feta cheese

Oregano

Kosher Salt

Black pepper

Lemon Juice

1/4 cup olive oil

1/4 cup red wine

1/4 cup lemon juice

Hog casings

Secret Ingredients: Fava Beans and a Nice Chianti

1. Debone and chop the chicken.
2. Add the red wine to the chicken and set aside.
3. Chop the garlic and add spices to taste. Place them in a 400F oven for ten minutes to brown.
4. Prepare a grinder and mix all of the liquids with the chicken mixture and spices.
5. Grind all of the ingredients to a medium – not a fine grind.
6. Grate and add the cheese.
7. Soak the hog casings in warm water and then place over the end of a sausage stuffer.
8. Carefully fill the casings with the meat and cheese mixture.
9. Tie off the casings.
10. Roast at 350F for ten minutes or until brown.
11. Feeds 8.
12. Serve with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
13. ENJOY!

Copyright 2019 M.J. Hobbs.